Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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