do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
