he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
