when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
