I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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