We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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