Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
