smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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