there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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