i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You smell like stripper and shame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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