i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
