Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
