My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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