I'm sorry my penis didn't work
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
