i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
