Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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