I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
