WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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