Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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