You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
