pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
