i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
