he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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