Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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