I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Farmville is her only friend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am one with the molecules
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
