Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
