here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
