So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
