And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
