don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
