do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
