They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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