You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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