I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
