I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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