I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
