Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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