these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
