In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
