The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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