You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
