im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
