I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your cock deserves a montage
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
