We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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