i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
