i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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