i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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