Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
