? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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