You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
