you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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